偉民 ([info]andr00) wrote,
@ 2004-03-22 20:36:00
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after coffee
Standing on the corner, tapping my foot and looking at the lighted red hand. Across four lanes of rush hour traffic from me, a toddler ran away from his blonde business-casual mother. From the sidewalk, out onto the asphalt, with a fast, blue car flying through the intersection.
The baby's short legs carried it too slowly to intersect the car's bumper, but the mother only stretched her arms towards him from the corner, and the blue car maintained its heading and velocity. "That kid almost just died," I thought, as the car escaped. Seconds later, the mother casually regathered her child, and headed away from me down the hill. She covered about 10 meters and then she suddenly crumpled, dropping to her knees in front of her child, glaring and lecturing in a trembling voice. She hadn't blinked her eyes by the time I stepped past her, and her words were continuous and incomprehensible.

About 20 yards later, I started freaking out. I turned back to check on them, but they were gone.



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[info]cheesetruck
2004-03-22 09:02 pm UTC (link)
I'm pretty sure that's the best way to handle that, tho; cuz freaking out at the moment it happened will register as "hey I can do this and it causes mom to freak out!" whereas waiting a few moments, then dealing with it face to face like that, registers as "mom's taking this really really seriously. Wow. ok, that was ... NOT A GOOD IDEA."

Also not dwelling on it gets the point across better than histronics.

At least in my dealing with kids who's parents were able to do that. Me, I don't know that I could.

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[info]yellow_woods
2004-03-22 09:41 pm UTC (link)
Wow! What a loser in the department of being a mother and a human being?

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[info]dotgirl
2004-03-22 10:03 pm UTC (link)
She's a loser how, specifically?

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[info]yellow_woods
2004-03-22 10:40 pm UTC (link)
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend anyone, and I may have misunderstood, but he said that the woman didn't even try and go after the child, but only stretched her arms out. If my 7 year old daughter had done that, I would have been out there grabbing her back into safety. I wasn't concerned with how the woman dealt with it later. I just felt the mother displayed a severe lack of concern for her child, and her 'motherly instincts' apparently weren't working at that moment. "mama bears' always protect their young, no matter how much danger is involved." Just my humble opinion. :)

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[info]huaman
2004-03-23 10:35 am UTC (link)
See... I read this all a bit differently. I didn't read any lack of concern on the mother's part, but supposing that there was, I would say that she's had her close-call shock and is unlikely to ever let go of that kid's hand again.

I have a 6-year-old son who's always been very physically active. And there have been times when he's broken my grip and made mad dashes, though there have never been any calls as close as that one, knock wood. I don't know about anybody else's kid -- maybe everyone else has sedate, slow-moving kids -- but mine moves FAST, and he always has. So what this story conjured up for me was any number of moments when my son's made a move one way or another and done it so fast there's barely time to react at all, and it hit me (as I think it's hitting all the parents reading this) right in the gut-level terror zone.

On the one hand it's stories like this that justify the visceral mother-fear, that knows no logic or reasoned source -- the one that is pure instinct and why my mother would catch my arm before I crossed the street, even once I was mostly grown up; the one that I never understood, really, until I became a mother myself. But I don't think the mother needs a scolding because I believe that for the rest of her life she'll be remembering that moment.

One day in December of 1982 my father and I were walking down a sidewalk in Quito, Ecuador, and I was just shy of 11 years old. Reaching the corner mere steps ahead of my father, I looked both ways carefully, ascertained that there was nobody coming, and started crossing the street. Just then a Jeep swung around the corner heading straight for me. I remember thinking, forward or back, and literally just flinging myself backward towards the kerb I'd just left. I remember watching the wheel of the Jeep pass about 6 inches from my foot, the Jeep itself right exactly where I had been stepping a split second before. My father was never more than 3 steps from me -- I was barely out of arm's reach. If I'd gone forward instead of back at that split-second decision moment, I'd have been run over. There would have been nothing that anybody could have done. It was just that close a call. It wasn't my fault, it wasn't my father's fault, and it wouldn't have been any different if my mother had been there with me instead of my father. My dad reminded me about that day multiple times per year ever since, and up until he died he always said it was the worst moment of his life.

I know that at times I'm completely shrill with my son about cars and traffic. I mean to the point that people overhearing must think I'm insane. And it's partly because of remembering that incident: I know that even if I do everything right and am constantly vigilant something can still come around the corner, totally out of the blue, and if everyone comes out the other side of it, it'll only be because of luck. I think that is one of the absolute hardest things that a parent has to live with, and I feel for that mom and her close call.

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[info]kat_tastrophe
2004-03-22 10:22 pm UTC (link)
being a mother and one who might be concidered over-protective..

was the woman NOT holding her childs hand??? in SEATTLE??? HELLO!! people in Seattle DO NOT watch for pedestrians, let alone SMALL ones!!!!! my god! i live in Kirkland and i refuse to let go of my 5yr olds hand when we walk down 124th!!! parking lots either for that matter!

that woman is lucky i wasnt standing there!

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[info]beatseeker
2004-03-22 10:24 pm UTC (link)
Dude, i love your huggle-meter! and wow. that's freaky. poor you. poor the kid, poor the mother. have no idea how id react if i witnessed that. its weird how people have delayed actions, but i guess that's just how people are. i guess in some situations i'm like that too. like, ooh the cookies are gone. oh well. ten minutes later......THE COOKIES ARE GONE?! ^_^ can i add you as my friend? and could you add me back?

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[info]andr00
2004-03-24 12:59 am UTC (link)
</i></i></i></i>Yeah, hey, it's okay for whoever wants to add me as a friend. Then I add you back, eventually, and that's how it works here.

Uh, about the "huggle-meter". I had a little problem with computers crashing yesterday, so some people's might say "0". If there was some kind of big burst of hugs you lost, just let me know and I'll restore them somehow. Otherwise, enjoy the squiggly numbers (courtesy of me and [info]frippy)

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[info]beatseeker
2004-03-24 01:18 pm UTC (link)
oh, they're all gone....but that's okay. i only just started so only had like 5 hugs! so instead i'll just enjoy the squiggly wiggly numbers!

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[info]sidhe_siobhan
2004-03-22 11:34 pm UTC (link)
In my humble (or not so but I'm a good mother, dammit--forget the rest of my life) opinion; I am so disturbed by that mother not looking out for her child and then, lashing out at the child for doing what a child that age or even an adult could do? Adults sometimes are careless with themselves and bump into things, not to mention CARS. A child should be given slack here and more than ANYTHING, dammit, LOVE! This makes me cry. This mother almost lost her kid and then YELLS at her own child as if the child was responsible for her anger which to me is totally misdirected and inappropriate, as I am reading andr00's accounting of this.
Knowing me, I woulda laid into that "mother" for yelling at her child while in its mother's caretaking which sounded rather lacking to me. G_d help that child. I hope the mother came to her senses and had the decency to apologise to the child but the child didn't really sound old enough to understand. It's like abusively punishing a dog/puppy AFTER the fact...the dog/puppy by then doesn't even know wtf it did wrong! And yelling and lashing out is just as bad in the case of a pet as it is for a child. My opinion. I can't imagine how andr00 must have felt to have BEEN subjected to that traumatizing of a poor kid. Sincerely, and shaking myself because I'm very maternal and this is upsetting to me, Siobhan. (man, So Disturbing!)

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[info]andr00
2004-03-24 01:13 am UTC (link)
andr00 was very unhappy to be there at all. I don't like seeing babies in traffic, I don't like seeing young mothers paralyzed in terror, and I don't like seeing kids of any age being exposed to an authority figure who has gone nonlinear.

But heck, this morning when I was waiting for the bus outside T.T. Minor, the principal or whoever was loudly and bombastically berating a line of tiny, tiny children for not responding consistently to his interrogations about some kind of assault incident on the bus. Of COURSE they're gonna agree with anything you say, you're five times their size and shouting in their face! I don't think I have strong paternal instincts/abilities or the desire to make babbies everywhere, but I sure dislike seeing this kind of thing. Mostly because I know there's no way out, for the kids, and that long term exposure to that crap is going to leave a mark.

On the other hand, I am talking out of my ass. I don't have the slightest clue how to raise a child. Though, I understand it's quite involved and many situations you never would've thought about come up all of a sudden.

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[info]sidhe_siobhan
2004-03-24 01:17 pm UTC (link)
Yep, I know what you mean though I have raised twins by myself and do have some experience and even more with dogs, um, yeah, heh! But no matter what soul in what kind of mammal; I too worry about the long term exposure to crazymaking crap, having been exposed to that and work around erasing said mark. I also know that mother was doing all she knew how to do; prolly the way she was raised, right? She probably felt guilty and horrified and just came unglued in delayed stress reaction style. So it's bad all around, but loving children and animals so much I kinda go gonzo when I see or hear about that kinda stuff. You are a right decent human to be bothered by it when you see it, too.

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[info]kdarr
2004-03-23 08:20 am UTC (link)
It's a good thing you didn't have to see a child get run over first-hand.

Would've ruined a perfectly good cup of coffee.

|<|>|

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[info]andr00
2004-03-23 12:26 pm UTC (link)
Probably would have ruined every cup of coffee for the rest of my life. THERE'S something I don't want to see over and over in my head, every time I wait at a crosswalk. PTSD bait.

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[info]little_hg
2004-03-23 04:17 pm UTC (link)
Nobody knows how they'd handle a situation until they're actually in it.

Bottom line is, it sucks to witness things like that. And thank goodness the child escaped injury.

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